photo-08-11-2016-04-10-58Soul-full and insecure goals and how to tell the difference

Hello lovelies, I hope this month has seen you growing and expanding. The word “goal” can bring up all sorts of feelings from excitement  to terror.  I used to hate the word goal and banned one of my therapists from using it entirely, (he wanted me to turn up, talk about feelings AND set goals, he had to be joking???!)

If this is you, don’t get too hung up on the word, use whatever word works for you. I can say the word goal without breaking out in a cold sweat, now I know the benefits and I’m sure you will too.

I have been in both clubs of not setting any goals then setting excessive goals. The first stage had me meandering around lost without direction, hoping and wishing for something different but not really getting anywhere. Then the second;  over -enthusiastic setting of PAGES of goals, and overly focusing on figures, numbers, followers, ticking off achievements, resulting me in literally falling off the treadmill with exhaustion,. So I get the confusion about goals and how to get the balance.

 

My biggest learning to effective goal setting is the intention in which it is set and the process of setting them.
Why are goals important?
  • Not setting goals, as the coaching academy so rightly taught me, is like getting into your car and setting your sat nav to “England” and expecting yourself to miraculously get to your destination.
  • Goal setting is how you incorporate all those lovely ideas and put them into a tangile plan; it’s how you get from where you are now to where you want to be.
  • You wouldn’t buy a house without first thinking of your budget, the long term investment and having a list of what your needs are both present and future. (And if you would, you need to come and see me 🙂 ) Yet we so often invest our hearts, money, time, energy in long term investments without first thinking what we actually want and if it’s a good fit for us, then are left feeling bereft when it collapses or fails.
  • Setting goals can be a process where you really check what it is that is important to you, what makes you happy and what you need to thrive. This  provides you with a  framework to say yes or no to things that come your way, because you are clear whether it moves you towards or away from what your goal.
Setting your intention:
We can either me motivated  for goals by deficiency/insecurity, or growth, expansion and self worth and this is the key to whether a goal will be a personal success to you.Examples of motivation by insecurity:
“I’ve got something to prove because what I am isn’t enough”
“I am only likeable/loveable/sexy/attractive if…..”
“I need to be better than others/put them down because that will make me feel better/more powerful”
“I have to be perfect/strong/get it right all the time”
“I need to be please others and do what I’m told in order for them to like me”
“I can’t fail”
” I should…”Examples of motivation by growth/expansion/self-worth:
“This makes me feel good/happy/healthy/abundant”
“I could learn from this/develop/heal”
“This calls me to build a better relationships  with myself/ others/ world around me”
“I’m passionate about this”
“By stepping out of my comfort zone, I build my confidence, resources, and resilience”
“This makes my life more purposeful/meaningful”
“By dong this I open up more options for myself and am closer to my goals.”
“I chose…”It’s absolutely fine if you are mostly motivated by insecurity, I spent most of my life there, just use it as self-awareness and make it a goal to work on your self-esteem. Self worth is something everybody can learn.So now you know about goals, I’m going to share with you a process I use on myself and clients and find an effective way of getting where I want to go and distinguishing between authentic or insecure goals…

Visualise your 10/10
This is a great way of discovering what your hopes/dreams/visions are and programing your unconscious mind. Write out a future ideal day/week, just allow your unconscious mind to get things on paper, don’t worry about “how” or whether it’s realistic and don’t judge it.
What are you doing?
How are you feeling?
What are you thinking?
Who is there with you?
What is different than now?

 Effective Goal Setting

1. How do I want to feel in the different areas of my life?

2. What am I already successfully doing in each area? Name at least 1 thing in each area.

3. What is missing in order for me to reach my 10/10?

4.. What needs to change? (These will be your goals)

5.  What will be the benefits of this change be on my life? How does this support me to grow?

6. How will I and others know when I get there, what will be different? (Markers are very important in personal development)

7. What knowledge, experience, skills and resources have I already got that will help me with my goal?

8.What support, knowledge, experience, resources do I need in order to achieve this and where can I access this? (this also includes our own personal processes like being kind to yourself)

9. What options do I have in order to achieve what I want? Use this as a space to dream, think outside the box and come up with as many things as possible. You don’t have to commit to anything yet.

10. Out of those options, what one do I most want to do?  What option would be most benefical to me?

11. What am I prepared and willing to do in order to have more…… in my life?

10. What are my steps? Break down the big goal down into manageable steps. When am I going to commit to the first step?

12. How am I likely to sabotage myself? How am I going to prevent this sabotage?

13.. How am I going to reward myself when I successfully finish each step?

Happy goal setting this month,

Love, Ismene xxx

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